Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Goodbye, Lapwing

Nothing quite ever heals the wound of abandonment by a parent, by a lover or spouse, by people thought of at some point as the closest human beings alive.

To be abandoned is a bit more than to be left, although that notion, too, is included. To be abandoned is to have support withdrawn despite duty, allegiance, or responsibility. To be deserted. To be given up on. To be seen as a sinking ship from whose danger or impending threat the other has chose to flee. To watch the other's interest decline to the point that it ceases to continue, leaving one wondering whether it ever was there.

To abandon is to relinquish ties, to yield oneself completely to other interests. The abandoner has better things to do, more intriguing people to use.

Lapwing is being abandoned, having been abandoned, and is curling up to muse alone.

Lapwing was, it is true, the play name of someone with whom I fell in love; it was self-deceptive to hang on to the moniker simply because the email address existed, because it sounded so much better, so much more acceptable than my own or the play names of my own devising.

I was abandoned by a parent, by a lover and spouse, by people thought of at some point as the closest human beings alive. People stink. Even I, when I take a good look (and a deep breath) ... I stink.

Before bidding Lapwing goodbye, a last word, because the original Lapwing never quite died or ever left the game. The Lapwing was a way for the one I fell in love with to cheat one's way out of a game of War.

You remember War? The children's game whose aim is to win all the cards by playing the highest card, one card at time. You divvied up the pack into two piles, face down and put them on the table. Whoever turned the higher card, won the hand, adding the two cards to the bottom of his or her pack. Remember how, if the turned up cards were equal, you said "I declare war" and laid down three cards face-down and then one face-up (and your opponent did the same)? Wasn't it such an incredible booty to win the whole lot?

Lapwing was a variation in which the low cards were set aside as a "reserve" for the loser. So the Lapwing would arise and fly at the end of a long summer game, especially if supper was not yet ready, to prolong the fun endlessly.

But now this game is over. So goodbye, Lapwing, goodbye.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lapwing,

This is the time to grow up and think that to be abandoned is part of life and it through the solitude that you will learn how to survive. Just remember that nothing is permanent even the matter is transformed and perhaps lapwing needs to take a break until new ideas come in the way.

Lapwing, has begun a new journey……

Alondra

Anonymous said...

You do not speak of metamorphosis or restoration in regard to your identity.

I am hoping that you are in touch with some good postives in this process ???

You did say something about withdrawal or something but I do hope you are envisaging this as temporary.

I agree that such 'conceits' do run their course. So I would see this recognition of an ending to 'Lapwing's' purpose as potentially full of insight and hope. just my thoughts for you tonight.

john o'keefe said...

lapwing is gone :( but from the ashes rises a new :)

be in peace lapwing

Anne said...

"The Lapwing was a way for the one I fell in love with to cheat one's way out of a game of War.

You remember War? The children's game.."

Isn't "cheating" retreating or avoidance of War, or within War, a means of survival? Game or no game?

Anonymous said...

Please don't go away, Lapwing, or even change your name. Can't you see we all depend on your flight?

Anonymous said...

From the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds on the Lapwing page:
This familiar farmland bird has suffered significant declines in the last 25 years and is an Amber List' species because of the importance of its UK wintering population.

So sorry to see you in decline.

May your wintering place be safe, sound and a respite for whatever healing you need. May your pee-ee-wit voice not be silenced.

rick

Anonymous said...

Bon vent !
geneviève

Godisgood said...

Wisdom to know when to move on. Wisdom to recognize our continuing needs for healing. Wisdom to know we become new people each day through each new experience. i look forward to knowing a new person and I thank God that lapwing was effective in your life. Marla

George Youngkins said...

I am not unhappy to see Lapwing put to rest. Cecilio, you are a very informative and intriguing individual.Setting up Lapwing as your inflatible doll did nothing to enhance the talented, intelligent, informative person I have been privliged to know!

George